By Khafayah Abdulsalam
Bismillahi Ar-rahamn Ar-raheem
Narrated by Anas (when mentioning his childhood)
I served the Prophet (Sallalahu ‘alayhi wasallam) for ten
years, and he never said to me, “Uf” (a minor harsh word
denoting impatience) and never blamed me by saying, “Why did
you do so or why didn’t you do so?”
Moms! How many of us can put hand to heart and say we have never blamed our kids or shouted at them? Hmmm! – a tough challenge, Everything is possible, if we keep at it working hard and calling on Allah SWT for guidance.
Moms! Children are an amanah (trust) given to us by Allah and it’s is fard (obligatory) upon us to raise our children in a righteous manner, raising them according to the principles and etiquettes of Islam.
Moms its very important to take some time out to ponder and reflect on the part you are playing or have played in your children’s’ journey of life. Do your children know their relationship with their creator? Remember! all they do will be written down, and when their book is presented on that day, the day of accountability – the contents will be based on your work! So I ask what you are doing to ensure that your children’s book will reflect the correct Islamic cultivation and upbringing.
What advice will you be giving to your children on your death bed? How confident will you be when reporting back to Allah – that you will be able to say, ”Allah I raised my children with Ihsan(excellence) to the best of my ability in accordance and obedience of YOUR laws”. – what a wonderful feeling this will be? Knowing that the journey begins and ends with Allah. How do we perform the most important role on earth?
Our children have rights over us as we know them; it is the parents’ obligation to shelter, feed, clothe, educate, support, nurture, and love them. It was narrated from “ Abd –Allah that the Prophet of Allah said: “Each of you is a Sheppard and is responsible for his flock” – The mom is the Sheppard of the home and children and is responsible for them. Also, Luqman(AS) – advising his son said “O my son! Join not in worship others with Allah. Verily, joining others in worship with Allah is a great Zulum (wrong) indeed (Q31:13). I suppose the point I am making here is that how many us talk to our children in this manner, by embedding the Tawhid (oneness of Allah) in their hearts from a tender age.
In order to cultivate our children islamically and give them the correct taribiyyah, it’s crucial as moms to understand the current environment, society and cultures that envelope our little gems. When we have a full understanding of how the society we live in operates and control our children, only then can we begin to adapt techniques to create confident remarkable kids.
Anas (RA) lived with the Prophet (SAW) and not once did the Prophet SAW scold him or tell him off! – reflect on this for a moment. This clearly demonstrates that the Prophet (SAW) practised positive parenting and did not focus on negative behaviour, and the result a well grounded confident individual, who has grown up on values – respect, self-esteem, discipline and morals.
Behind every successful person is a great woman and we do not need to search far for evidence.
Our great mother Khadijah (RA), gave the Prophet full support and was instrumental to his success, she was a wife, friend, comforter, a woman of substance, –she encompassed everything a man could need in a woman. Our great Imams Bukhari and Malik were strongly encouraged by their mothers, and as a result became great men leaving behind an ever lasting legacy.
Anas did not end up with the Prophet (SAW) by accident, his mother offered him in servitude to the Prophet (SAW) know the greater benefits in this world and the hereafter – knowing this what type of mother are you and are going to be for our children? Knowing your self-worth and accepting this role and responsibility Allah has given you, how will you perform this role with Ihsan (excellence) without losing sight of your final destination – Jannah!
How do we bring about and develop Islamic personality in our children? As moms we need to realise that this role starts from the moment the child is conceived – I see this as the beginning of the bonding period. You are preparing yourself for the great arrival!
The bonding between mother and baby begins during pregnancy a relationship that is retained and maintained and nurtured after birth till the rest of the child’s life.
The first stage is to provide the child with the basic human needs – food, love, warm, a sense of security and belonging; shelter and full attention. All of this is crucial for the development of the child in the latter stages of their life. The child who feels loved, nurtured and respected – becomes more receptive to others and will be able to reciprocate in the same manner. As they flourish and grow they will learn new skills such as – responsibility, patience, self-control, respect, communicating and sharing. There is one thing that never changes from infancy to childhood – the need for affection and love. How do we embed these qualities in our children? The starting point will be to nurture a positive relationship with them, through communication and building rapport with them. We have to realise that communication and active listening are fundamental to the development of our relationship with our children, – a channel that has to be open for life.
Allah has appointed you as a Sheppard over your flock… you are your child’s role model and umbilical cord to Allah.
They will more than likely mirror the values, beliefs and standards of those who surround them, what kind of a life are you leading? What type of family environment are you creating – is it one based on the principles of Islam morals and etiquettes’? If not, I am afraid you will be heading down the wrong road. It’s never to late to get back onto the straight path; today start being that Mom you want like to your children to see – I like my children to see a strong firm well balances women that upholds and obeys the laws of Allah SWT, and emulating and acting upon the Sunnah of the Prophet SAW – constantly striving for Jannah.
A little exercise for you:
What would you like your children to see in you?
What would you like to contribute to their lives?
How would you like to impact their lives?