BY Khafayah Abdulsalam*
“Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right.”
“..Be mindful of Allah, you will find Him before you. Get to know Allah in prosperity and He will know you in adversity. Know that what has passed you by was not going to befall you; and that what has befallen you was not going to pass you by. And know that victory comes with patience, relief with affliction, and ease with hardship.”
I often liken the way we wade through life like an airplane that is sustained in the air and has to be in constant motion. If it drops a bit the pilot brings it back into control. This is how our lives operate. We are on continuous watch and are very scared of taking the nose dive, because we don’t know how to recuperate, and most importantly what will people think?! When our subconscious inner chatter box whispers to us “You are not a good Mom”, we leave the plane to nose dive and crash our dreams!
What holds us back from being the Mom we want to be? What we think ourselves capable of? The moment we believe we are limited in knowledge, skill, ability or ANYTHING – we have just stopped our growth potential. Brian Tracy said, “Whatever we expect with confidence becomes our own self-fulfilling prophecy.”
Have you found yourself in situations where you have done something silly? And perhaps said to yourself, “I will never do that again.” Then you find yourself in a similar situation and you repeat the exact same thing again? Or you find you say “Nobody loves me”, “I am a failure”, “I am too old to memorise the Qur’an.
These thoughts that we think will either help us achieve our dreams in life or stop us dead in our tracks.
There are numerous life traps that hold us back and in most cases are attributable to the thoughts and ideas that swim around in our heads. These very same thoughts we believe in can control us and shape our lives. Also, affect our dealings with our children.
Some values and beliefs give us great strength and empowerment, these are the ones that serve us and help us achieve our dreams. However, there are some beliefs that no longer serve us and are more an enemy of progress.
Sometimes our friends and family hold us back, out of their concerns for us. They tell us you will never be a good mom” based on their own fears, doubts, values and limiting beliefs. Regardless of their intention, if we buy into what they say, we end up giving up and sabotaging our goals and dreams altogether.
Over the years, we have been told different stories that we believed in and have enacted as a part of our life whether they were true or not. We have been told many different reasons why we can’t do certain things and we have believed them without question.
I invite you to share this story with me;
Mohammad asked to his wife “Why do you always dispose of the head of the fish?” Zaynab replied “WaAllahu alam, we just don’t cook it in our family”. Mohammed took it upon himself to get to the bottom of this matter; he took a trip to his mother in-law. He asked “Umm Zaynab why do you not cook the fish head?” Umm Zaynab replied “I don’t know, my mother always did and I never bothered to question the reason why”. “How amazing” replied Mohammad? It was time to visit grandmother. When Muhammad posed the question she said “oh! That, in our days I only had a small pot, it was impossible to fit the whole fish in the pot, I decided to get rid of the head because it had more bone than fish!” This just demonstrates how a family of three generations just did what their grandmother did without question, only Allah knows how many fish heads have been wasted!
Does this ring bells with you? As mothers we have grown up with values and beliefs that have been passed down from our parents, which have shaped and dictated the way we live our life!
So! What is holding you back from being the Mom you want to be?
Can you identify 5 things that are holding you back from achieving and creating the life you want for you and your family?
In part 2 of this article I will discuss some tips on how to recognize these beliefs and values and replace them with beliefs that serve you and your children, by creating a positive warm, loving environment for our kids!
* a DiscoverU LifeCoach certified coach, trained by Muhammad Alshareef.
Check Khafayah’s website www.umuka.com